“Sherlock Holmes-Game of Shadows” Script Out-take


THE 7% RESERVATION

Carlos Bungee – Hollywood Foreign Press Association

LONDON, UK – The 2011 blockbuster, Sherlock Holmes – A Game of Shadows as directed by Guy Ritchie takes many liberties with the fictional detective’s legacy in telling this new storyline, however the Hollywood rumour mill is now in overdrive on the word that Ritchie’s next screen project will involve a big-budget film adaptation of the 1980’s sit-com Newhart.

Cast of ‘Newhart’ relaxes at home
in this undated promo photo

Fans of the show will remember it as the laconic tale of Vermont innkeeper Dick Loudon and his cast of quirky neighbours and business associates including spoiled princess/maidservant, Stephanie Vanderkellen; clueless handyman George Utley; as well as brothers/gypsy folk Larry, Darryl & Darryl (last names withheld by research).

Newhart was remarkable for popularizing alliteration as well as it’s long run on weekly television, initially beginning in 1972 as a psychological drama entitled The Bob Newhart Show, briefly reformatting in the late 1970’s as a detective-adventure rebranded Hart to Hart, then settling into its most successful and interminable story arc as a folksy comedy.  The series was historic for ending as it began with lead actor Newhart in bed with his longtime on-screen wife from all incarnations of the show, Adrienne Barbeau. (needs citation)

The exact direction of the new Ritchie project is not known however insiders at Village Roadshow Pictures, producers on the Holmes series, insist that it will have the distinctive “Ritchie taint.”

Actor Jon Voight, relaxing at home
in this undated handout photo.

Actor Jon Voight has signed on to play the Innkeeper made popular on American television by comedian and telephone enthusiast, Bob Newhart.  No other cast decisions have been made although comic-actor Jim Carrey is considered to be taking on a multi-part as the curious trio of brothers.  Mary Frann who played Joanna Loudon (no relation) for part of the show’s run would be greeted by fans enthusiatically if she were to reprise her role, however calls to her were not returned by press time.

Supporting Artists (extras) who insist they were on set for much of the Holmes 2 shooting say Ritchie filmed a scene with John Watson caricaturist,  Jude Law, in what bystanders liberally described as a “homage” to Newhart’s comedic style and process.

Filming on Newhart – No Reservations is expected to begin in Hungary during December 2013.

-30-

 

[EMBARGOED SCENE – HOLMES 2.  FOR LAW EYES ONLY]

[THIS MEANS YOU.  NO PEEKING.  GUY]

Actor Jude Law relaxes “in character”
as John Watson on set of Sherlock Holmes 2

MUSIC:              HARP CASCADE

S/FX:                            PHONE RINGS

 

LACKEY TO BE CAST LATER:

DR. WATSON, THERE IS A CALL FOR YOU.  IT’S MR. HOLMES.

 

WATSON:              

VERY GOOD, PUT HIM THROUGH. 

HOLMES!  SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU.  HOW ARE YOU?

 

WELL, I’VE BEEN SUFFERING FROM A BIT OF CONSTAPATION, ACTUALLY. 

NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE A BAKER STREET IRREGULAR.  ANY WORD ON A NEW CASE?

 

NOTHING EH?… WHAT’S THAT?

 

YOU’RE BORED.  THE GREATEST DETECTIVE IN ALL OF LONDON IS BORED? 

WELL, SURELY THE MIND OF SHERLOCK HOLMES CAN DEVISE OF AN ACTIVITY.

 

YOU’RE WORKING ON A SOLUTION?  A SOLUTION TO WHAT?

 

OH, A SOLUTION.  WELL, WHAT’S IN IT?

 

93% WATER, AND 7% COCAINE?

WELL, I MUST SAY HOLMES THAT SHOULD BE A BIT HARSH GOING DOWN THE GULLET.

 

YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DRINK THE SOLUTION? … YOU’RE GOING TO WHAT?

 

INJECT IT INTO A BLOOD VESSAL IN YOUR ARM.  LIKE PENICILLAN?  WHEREVER DID YOU GET THE IDEA FOR THIS HOLMES?

 

FROM YOUR BROTHER, MYCROFT.  ISN’T HE THE ONE WITH THE THIRD NOSTREL?

 

LOOK, HOLMES, I’M NOT SURE THAT PUTTING COCAINE IN YOUR BLOODSTREAM IS PARTICULARLY WISE. 

WOULDN’T YOU RATHER HAVE ONE OF MRS. HUDSON’S YORKSHIRE PUDDINGS?

 

NO, HOLMES, I’M NOT SUGGESTINGTHAT A YORKSHIRE PUDDING WOULD BE EASIER TO SHOOT INTO YOUR VAINS. 

LOOK, WHY DON’T YOU TRY THIS WONDERFUL NEW CONFECTIONARY FROM AMERICA.  IT’S CALLED COCA COLA. 

APPARENTLY IT HAS MANY WONDERFUL USES, CURES FLATULANCE, KEEPS ONE ALERT IN THE LATE EVENING HOURS. 

I SAY, I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF THE STUFF.

WHAT’S THAT?  OH IT’S CALLED COCA COLA.

 

WELL, NO…I HADN’T REALLY THOUGHT OF THAT. 

AS FAR AS I KNOW, IT’S MADE FROM A DERIVITIVE OF THE COCA LEAF IN COLUMBIA. 

WONDERFUL COUNTRY, HOLMES.  HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?

 

“NO, BUT YOU HAVE SOME FRIENDS WHO HAVE.”  

WELL HOW JOLLY FOR YOU.

 

LOOK, DON’T INJECT ANY MORE COCAINE TONIGHT, I’LL BE OVER IN THE MORNING. 

IF YOU HAVE TO OCCUPY YOUR TIME WITH SOMETHING, SMOKE A PIPE. 

TOBACCO SMOKE CURES HALITOSIS, YOU KNOW…

 

(SHERLOCK SUDDENLY APPEARS DISGUISED AS TELEPHONE LINE)



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