Candace Bushnell comes on as new “Star Trek 2” scribe


CULVER CITY, CA – “Sex and the City” author Candace Bushnell has long been rumoured to be joining an aging science fiction franchise, however, a leaked segment of the screenplay for “Star Trek 2” appears to point in her direction.  The move by Paramount is an attempt to bring a fresh approach and unique female perspective to what has largely been a male dominated genre of film and books.

A spokesperson for Paramount Pictures, Felicity Bahl, would not elaborate on the leaked screenplay, however, Bahl did say the company was “looking at all the ideas out there, right now.”

The cast which rebooted the franchise in 2009 are all expected back, however, they may find their characters’ motivations drastically altered from the original vision directed by J.J. Abrams.

The rumour seems to put to rest stories that romance novelist, Jackie Collins was being brought in to refresh the movie version of Battlestar Galactica, currently in pre-production in northern Canada.

-30-

STAR TREK 2 – The Wrap of Wang

Scene 12 – The Enterprise is orbiting Syphilis-5 in the Chlamydia Galaxy.  Spock, Kirk, Bones and Sulu are in the rotating restaurant on the ship’s Promenade deck. A waiter is bringing them drinks. Kirk is admiring his giftbag from L’Oreal.

SPOCK:

That’s an exhorbitant amount of product to take for an away mission, isn’t it, Captain?

KIRK: 

No, of course not. Starship personnel our age have to look good no matter where we are.

SULU: 

You can also stop saying “Starship personnel OUR age,” for a start.

BONES: 

What on Krypton are you carrying in that thing? (To waiter) Mineral water, please.

KIRK: 

It’s just a few essentials, Bones.  Anti-fatigue eye roll-on, hydra-sensitive moisturizer, shave gel, an aloe-primavera after shave balm, anti-wrinkle firming cream,  skin whitener to control oil…

SULU:

Is this an Away Mission or an All-Inclusive-Spa Get-AWAY Mission?”

KIRK:

You’re such a bitch.

BONES:

Look, Jim, I’m a general practitioner, not a plastic surgeon, but I’m pretty sure you don’t need a regimen like that.

SPOCK:

It certainly seems non-sensical.  You’re an attractive man, Jim.  You don’t need all that.

SULU:

Have you seens this guy when he beams down?  Green skinned women lose their composure so fast, you’re ducking velour skirts for days.

KIRK:

How are things with you and that nurse?

BONES:

Nurse Chapel?  I don’t know what to make of her?  One minute she’s there, the next she’s not.  Sometimes she shows up in a new outfit and it’s like she a whole different person.

KIRK:

Never get between a woman and her closet.

SULU:

Amen, brother!


Like It? Share It!


  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Reddit
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS


Comments